| dont leave me |
[13 Jun 2007|06:56pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 crushed |
] |
So he doesnt know if he wants to be with someone whose mother doesnt think he is the one for her daughter. I just shouldnt talk to him about things that bother me I suppose. Its not that he is gone a lot, and not here for things..its the time he does spend at home is all about him, there isnt a Lets Do What Tara Wants To Do Today. or a Tara and Scott day. Thats my moms arguement, and I can see that, cuz i agree with her. She says that every mother wants her daughter to be with someone that is going to put her daughter first. and when he is home, he does not do that he puts himself first all the time. and thats not how it should be. i know its not how i do it, he comes first for everything. sometimes i even put him before my family, which you should never do right? idk,I love him and i wanna spend my life with him, and he thinks "you're only 21" yea well so friggen what. if he cant/doesnt fathem that and doesnt feel the same way, then should i stay with him. i cant wait till he comes home so that i can talk to him, its much needed i think. hopefully he will be able to fit a little tara/scott alone time in his schedule. My mom has a legit argument, and Scott does too, he already went thru this with his X-wife. I just wish he wouldnt compare things, because this is a different relationship...and im a different person and I love him with my all, my everything and i dont wanna live without him. I want to spend the rest of my life with this man, and I truely feel that way. I may be crazy, you can call me that if u wish..i dont really care what anyone else thinks. I just wish he wouldnt compare me to his past relationship and love me, show me he loves me and put me first ALL the time, not just sometimes. I know he is capable of it, but he has his walls, just like i do. but for some reason i always fall to quickly..and jump in with both feet, which is very dangerous, and I always end up getting hurt and I hope that isnt the case here...but it probably is, im probably meant to be single forever...and if this relationship doesnt work out...im going to be SINGLE for a really really long time because I want to be with Scott and only Scott...forever.
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| better is one..than thousands elsewhere |
[01 Oct 2006|01:14pm] |
|
So I started going to church here in Mexico, and I feel a lot better. I am this week going to start going to an orpahage and spend time with the kiddies. That should be fun, I think! I feel bad that I am not going more work of God here, but no worries, how that I have my bearings in this huge city..I can start exploring and helping out more!
Also I have to find the girl scout world center..when I get time!! ahhh.. my second round of exams is almost over and Im very thankfull, three down 1 to go..even tho its the hardest one..avanzado 1. AHHH but ill study and do just fine, i hope! there is a lot to know for this exam so we will see how it goes..
for now I have to get going we are going out for some pizza and then to the MEGA (the mexican wal*mart if you will) haha. fun times here in mexico.
oh, I met a boy here..he's cute and really nice. we made out..haha and thats all you get to know! hahahahhahah :) im an angel..always remember that!
<3 Love and miss all my friends and family!
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| awwe my journal |
[28 Sep 2006|07:41pm] |
Sooo yea...I have been neglecting my LJ something fierce...I think its okay tho, because I do not really think anyone reads it anyhoo. haha. So yea, Im in Mexico studying for the semester...I got here in July the 31st and I do not get to go home until the 7th of december. I like it here and school is going well and all that fancy stuff, but I miss home. I love the weather here, it is really nice..usually only rains at night. Every night about like 10 ish. But yea..I am not really looking forward to going home to snow..but what can a kid do!!
Im still single, like I will be forever..lol not a joke. idk really what else to say for right now, i have some homework that i really should be doing..so ill try and write again soon!
love yahs
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|
| wow |
[06 Feb 2006|12:19pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 content |
] |
What am I doing!????
20
30
What's the time between?
10 years.
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|
|
[31 Jan 2006|07:13pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 tired |
] |
Did I disappoint you or let you down?
Should I be feeling guilty or let the judges frown?
'Cause I saw the end before we'd begun,
Yes I saw you were blinded and I knew I had won.
So I took what's mine by eternal right.
Took your soul out into the night.
It may be over but it won't stop there,
I am here for you if you'd only care.
You touched my heart you touched my soul.
You changed my life and all my goals.
And love is blind and that I knew when,
My heart was blinded by you.
I've kissed your lips and held your head.
Shared your dreams and shared your bed.
I know you well, I know your smell.
I've been addicted to you.
Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.
I am a dreamer but when I wake,
You can't break my spirit - it's my dreams you take.
And as you move on, remember me,
Remember us and all we used to be
I've seen you cry, I've seen you smile.
I've watched you sleeping for a while.
I'd be the mother of your child.
I'd spend a lifetime with you.
I know your fears and you know mine.
We've had our doubts but now we're fine,
And I love you, I swear that's true.
I cannot live without you.
And I still hold your hand in mine.
In mine when I'm asleep.
And I will bear my soul in time,
When I'm kneeling at your feet.
Goodbye...
I'm so hollow, baby, I'm so hollow.
....so, I'm so...., I'm so hollow.
I'm letting go... I just can not do it anymore..it's too hard.--I loved you MJT will all my heart.
:) Here is to the memories :)
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| you give me a reason for my being. |
[18 Dec 2005|03:45am] |
I have not written in a long time...im sure you have all noticed.
Im sure no one really cares what has been going on in the life of me...so ill spare the details.
I hate fake ppl. they really piss me off.
I hate liars too..they get to me.
False pretenses are pretty annoying too..
but hey...
guess what?!?!
ITS ALMOST CHRISTMAS!!!!
Isnt that some good news?!?!
Oh and I HATE Kmart...I hope someone burns it down and I can then collect unemployment!! wouldnt that be grand. lol
night ya*ll
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| further from me...every fallen tear. |
[28 Oct 2005|02:22am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 lonely |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Ben Harper |
] |
Yes indeed I'm alone again
and here comes emptiness crashing in
it's either love or hate
I can't find in between
wish there was something
I could say or do
I can resist anything
but temptation from you
but I'd rather walk alone
than chase you around
I'd rather fall myself
than let you drag me down
yesterday seems like a life ago
cause the one I love
today I hardly know
you I held so close in my heart oh dear
grow further from me
with every fallen tear
it wouldn't have worked out any way
so now it's just another lonely day
further along we just may
but for now it's just another lonely day
|
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| FeEliNg WeAk... |
[20 Aug 2005|10:54pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 sad |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Kenny G. |
] |
The tears I cry are not tears of sadness..
they are tears of fear..
Fear of being without you.
Fear of you being gone.
I do not know what I will do.
I am so full of question..
I want to believe..
I am scared...
I do not want to hurt
It is so difficult to not fall for you..
Your smile makes me weak..
Your touch makes me feel safe..
Your eyes make me melt..
Your voice makes my day..
being with you makes me complete.
I could fall in love with you
I will try to be strong
I know at times I will be weak..
miserable,
lonely,
scared,
worried,
*and*
upset,
I wish you were not leaving me..
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| liberating letting go! |
[27 Jul 2005|02:56am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 refreshed |
] |
I never knew it could feel so good to let something go. I held on to you for about 6 meaningless years and finally letting go of false hopes was so liberating. I have never been happier...and its good to know that I can have feelings for other guys. And that other guys have feelings for me..that are true. This is to those girls out there that hold on to guys that don't deserve them..just let it go..there are true men out there that will treat you well and give you what you deserve. There is nothing better than true words and true actions that show someone cares about you. It's not easy to let go..obviously because I even held on for toooo long, but it can be done..and once you do it you will find that your life goes on and you are 110% happier. Let the losers go and find a guy that tells you..you are beautiful and makes you feel that way..not just at their convenience. Find a guy that will call you when he says he will and calls just to see how you are and things like that. A guy that really cares about you wont have to be told how to make you feel special..they do sweet little things spontaniously to let you know that. Im so glad that I let go of my false hopes and you..I have never felt better in my life!!! And now Im thankful that I have a sweet guy that truely cares about me, my life, my family, my interests, my past..and my wellbeing. Its nice to share that "real" stuff with someone...and Im glad my feelings have changed because you are not the one for me..and you do not deserve me..I deserve so much more than you could ever give me. Some day I just hope you can grow up and learn to love and respect yourself...because until then you will never find true happiness because you will never be able to love and respect a woman...if you cant bother to do it for yourself. I hope though that one day you see the light and can find it in yourself to be a real man.
<3
|
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| thats what i HATE about u |
[14 Jul 2005|02:51am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 sick |
] |
Dont ask me to plz talk to u...cuz you know what..the last time i did...i remember you hanging up on me several times..and then telling me u were laying in bed with ur girl and asken if i wanted u to put her on the phone..so you know what fuck you. I cant even stand the though of u..i DONT want to talk to u anymore, i dont want ANYTHING to do with you...why cant u get that thru ur friken head?! I have met a nice guy that treats me well..and guess what!!! in a few short months he goes away to the Air Force...and guess what!!! he wants to make it work cuz you know what he truly does care about me, and its not just at his convenience..and the shitty thing is i compare it to you and i shouldnt do that cuz NO guy is like u. This one is real, and true and means what he says. so just leave me be..you send me a text message out of the blue today after we havent spoke in a long time...and if it were a while ago i would have replied right back to u...thinking ohhh hes still thinken about me and bla bla..well its just that BLA!!! what happened?? did u and ur gurl break up or somethin and now you think u can come running back to tara? well guess what?! you cant im SOOOOO over you and I honestly have nothing left for u...u cant even be my friend u dont even deserve that. and dont try and make me feel bad for saying all this stuff because i dont. you fuck it up everytime i give you another chance...and im done giving you chances you are friken fake and play with my heart every time i allow you another chance..and im not gonna stand for it anymore..for once...im happy and content..and found a guy that likes me truly..and ISNT like you. he deserves my attention and heart..YOU DONT!!!!!! so just go the fuck away cuz i honestly cant stand you..the way you make me feel and all the shit uve put me through...GAG me....you make me SICK!!! SICK SICK SICK!!! GAG puke!!!!! uuuugggghhhh... idk who you think u are to keep poping in my life whenever you feel like it..i dont want you to anymore..and im not going to allow it. ur chances are gone. the last one i gave u i said dont make me regret this. and u did so you know what fuck off!!! NO MORE I SAY..i wont do it. ur a loser!!!!
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| lyrics i like |
[31 May 2005|07:06pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 okay |
] |
"Till the day I die.
Ill spill my heart for you.
..My hands are at your throat
and I think I hate you."
"It's hard to fly
when you can't even run.
Once I had the world
and now I've got noone."
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| My Honest Farewell to a Fool I Once Loved... |
[26 May 2005|12:21pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 enraged |
] |
You are no longer welcome in my life. I have nothing left for you and to be honest it would be hard for me to even look at you. The mere thought of you makes me sick, and I am glad that I do not think about you too often. You are who you are and you will never change nor grow up. You are not the "man" for me, I deserve more.
I deserve an honest man that loves me truely, not just at his own convenience.
I deserve a man that is going to be there for me when I am down and need someone to listen.
I deserve a man that is interested in my life, hobbies, family and friends.
I deserve a man that is sincere when he tells me he loves me and wants to be with me.
I deserve a man that respects me and knows that I am more than a piece of meat.
I deserve a man that can engage in meaningful and in-depth conversations.
I deserve a man that is not dirty and one that does not sleep with prostitutes, girls off the internet, and who knows what else.
I deserve a man that respects and knows my past and understands me and my decisions.
I deserve a man that can take a few minutes out of his oh so busy day to pick up a damn phone and call me.
I deserve a man that does not fuck with my emotions.
I deserve a man that does not play mind games.
I deserve a man that is not afraid of committment.
I deserve a man to show me he cares and thinks about me.
I deserve a man that does not make me feel not good enough.
I deserve a man that does not call me names.
I deserve a man that does not sware at me.
I deserve a man that does not hang up on me.
I deserve a man that does not rub in my face that he is getting with other girls.
I deserve a man that does not lie.
I deserve a man that would return my letters.
I deserve a man that would be concerned about my feelings and well-being.
I deserve a man that thinks about more than just his needs.
I deserve a man that tells me he loves me but does not go out and get engaged to some other girl. (multiple times)
I deserve a man that will respond to my Instant Messages.
I deserve a man that will not ignore me.
I deserve a man that will not reel me in to spit me out just to see how many fucking times he can do it.
I deserve a man that will call when he says he will call me, because he will be thinking about me all the time because I deserve that too!
I deserve love!!!
I do not want love from you...I can go on for pages about what I deserve that you cannot give me. I really wish I could erase you from me, my life, my past, and my memories. But you know what, I cannot do that because I did really love you and I did really want to be with you...and only you. I have no idea why I was so stupid, but I was. You know I gotta hand it to you..you sure are good at pretending. Pretending you "love" me, pretending to make "love" to me..when really you were just fucking another hole. YOU MAKE ME SICK!!! I regret letting you penetrate me, I GAG as I think of it...all 4 stupid..meaningless times. I feel dirty and used. I do not know what I ever did to you to deserve the shit you put me through and do to me. But NO MORE! I even gave you 1 last chance to gain me back..and guess what?? YOU FUCKED IT UP...big time. I told you NOT to make me regret my decision of talking to you again..and you surely did. Well I will no longer fall fool into your traps. I know your games and I am beyond them. You do not love me...you do not even know what love is because you do not even love yourself. And I feel sorry for you. I do not know why you do what you do to me, I do not know why you like to see me hurt because I know that you realize what you do to me. You have seen the tears and doubt in my eyes..you wiped the tears away and told me you "loved" me. You're a fucking JOKE! I wish I could stab you in the heart a million trillion times...so there was nothing left of your heart but millions and trillions of tiny pieces...so that maybe for a second you could feel what I feel! But I think then you still would not understand. You make me HATE you! I do not care to ever see you again, talk to you again or hear from you again in any way. I want NOTHING to do with you. You have pushed me away for the last time...I am cold and numb to you...I do not even think I know who you are.
You make me HATE you!
You make me fucken sick!
Puke.
Vomit.
Tears.
Regret.
GAG ME!
Dick!
YOU KILL ME...
|
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| I dont like to title my poems. |
[21 May 2005|11:25pm] |
I'm on the verge of going brainsick, something is building inside me.
My heart begins to beat faster, and I drop to one knee.
Tears have filled my bloodshot eyes, as I freak out losing all control.
Full of this feeling I can feel it fill my soul.
Shaking...I try to stand but I fall to the floor in weakness.
How can I live, How can I clean up this mess?
A few minutes pass and I regain my senses.
My heart hardened and up went my defenses.
I fear that I am the one who needs to change.
It will not be easy but it has been arranged.
I DO NOT want you in my life, NOT AT ALL.
I DO NOT want to see you and you better NOT call.
You have put me through pain multiple times.
NO longer am I blind to your games, I can see the signs.
Why was I so dumb...why was I so in "love"?
Well fuck it, it's you I want to get rid of.
You reel me in to spit me out.
How can you do that and feel no guilt..without a doubt.
You make me feel like worthless shit.
You make my stomach hurt so much it throws a fit.
I cannot stand the thought of you.
I'm done being sad, lonely, down, and blue.
Go on about your life you're not wanted here.
Good luck in life you bastard queer.
You make me hate you and I will never feel what I felt.
How do you like the hand you've been delt?
To me you no longer exist...not even as a worthy memory...
YOU DON'T DESERVE A WOMAN LIKE ME.
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| let me go |
[20 May 2005|01:11am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
you make me sick. |
] |
I was looking back at old posts...and i really fall for some dickheads, losers, assholes, and pathetic attempts to be men. tis funny i think. I gotta raise my standards i suppose cuz looken back, they all seemed ok..but in the end turned out to be senseless bastards. bllllaaaa (the sound of me puking at the tought of them)
today was hard for me. Harder than i thought it would be..i think the next couple of days will be hard too. but im a strong woman and i have come a very long way. some things in life are hard to deal with, but im doin okie. i dont really wanna type about this right now cuz ill start crying..cut then it gets me thinking and whatnot. honestly i just wish it never happened so i would never have to think about it..but it did happen and i guess you gotta learn to deal what with God gives yah. Well im dealen. it makes me sick to my stomach really it does..makes me so ill. ugh..enough
well im gonna try and go to bed so i dont have to think anymore, but i doubt ill be able to sleep for awhile..my mind is racing.
**Rot in hell you sick pig**If I ever see you again (hope i dont) because i will fucking break your legs and beat ur face in..cuz you do not even deserve death). You will get your someday you nasty nasty pathetic waste of space.
night
XXXTaraXXX
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|
| Ima be aiight |
[19 May 2005|06:37pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 blank |
] |
So its been a year...and honestly i didnt think about it at all..till my mom just said "so how has today been for you"..and i was like well i didnt really think about it at all today...till just now. well what can yah do. at this point in time last year, i was still a virgin. it wont really hit me till like 3am..when it all happened. I hope he rots in hell, where he belongs. uck.
going for now..
-Tara-
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| BARFFF...GAG...UCCCK! |
[17 May 2005|01:01am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
you make me sick!! |
] |
I cringe at the thought of u...u make me sick. I regret everything I felt for you and did with you. ugh it kills me. you suck and i hope i never hear from you again because my life is so much better without you in it!! you are a jerk..you are selfish..you only care about you and your needs..you are NOT a real man..I hate that I fell for you multiple times, GAG ME WITH A SPOON. but let me just say that will never happen again. Im totally empty at the thought of you..which isnt a lot. you were a mistake and if i could erase you from my past i would..but unfortunatly i made a HUGE error there. I wish I never was introduced to you because you are an asshole and you make me hate you. i regret letting you in. I regret wasting my time, thoughts, emotions and my heart on you. you are a creep and i hope you are unhappy and lonely for the rest of your life. You deserve to be that way because ur a scumbag.
Good day!
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| I get my loven on the run... |
[13 Apr 2005|01:02am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
sleepster |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
tom petty |
] |
Immature love says: 'I love you because I need you.' Mature love says 'I need you because I love you.'
-- Erich Fromm
"If you love something, let it go. If it comes back it's yours. If it doesn't, it never really was in the first place."
"Love does not consist in gazing at each other, but in looking outward together in the same direction."
-- Antoine de Saint-Exupery
I cannot wait till I meet you my *Someone*
It will be amazing...just you and me
together...forever.
Mmmmm how happy we will be.
I know I will find you someday
and baby, I am not in a hurry cuz I know you're worth waiting for.
I sit here and wonder if I have already met you...
or if we've yet to meet?!
...know that I love you...cuz I know you love me too.
The real kind..
|
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| Meatloaf... |
[13 Apr 2005|12:57am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 empty |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Meatloaf...love hurts |
] |
Love hurts, love scars,
Love wounds, and marks.
Any heart not tough
Or strong enough
To take a lot of pain.
Love is like a cloud
Holds a lot of rain
I’m young, I know,
But even so
I know a thing, or two
I learned, from you
I really learned a lot,
Love is like a flame
It burns you when it’s hot.
Some fools think of happiness
Blissfulness, togetherness
Some fools fool themselves I guess
They’re not foolin’ me
I know it isn’t true,
Love is just a lie,
Made to make you blue
**Love is just a lie,
Made to make you blue, love hurts**
|
|
| Here it comes again... |
[28 Mar 2005|07:01pm] |
I don't want to...I do not want to start feeling like this again. I need to control my feelings and just take things day by day. And that is what I am going to do...whatever happens...happens.
End of Story, lol
|
|
| What to say |
[06 Mar 2005|09:12pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
bored |
] |
I know I havent written in a while, and to tell yah the truth I dont really have anything to talk about. Well there are...but nothing too exciting or entertaining...so Ill spare you. Just wanted to update so I could have something to do..but Im done with this game...lol...peace
*confusion*
Same Ol' Shit.
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